People Want to Buy. They Don’t Want to Be Sold.

Recently, my husband and I started the process of moving to Nashville. Over the past few years, we have gone from one large family home to an even larger one in a different state, and now we are making a very intentional shift into a much smaller apartment in the city. It is exciting and, at times, a little unfamiliar.

As we began touring apartments, I expected to feel some uncertainty about the decision itself. What I did not expect was how consistent (and disappointing) the sales experience would be across properties, regardless of company or location.

Within minutes of arriving at each property, the pattern became clear. We were asked our name, where we were from, how many bedrooms we wanted, and when we were planning to move. On the surface, these are reasonable questions. In practice, they felt like a checklist. The goal did not seem to be understanding us. It felt like determining how quickly we could be converted.

From there, the experience was nearly identical everywhere we went. A polished walkthrough followed by a steady stream of features: pools, weight rooms, “upgraded” finishes, and “spacious” layouts. The conversations were consistent, but they were not relevant. They did not account for the fact that “upgraded” and “spacious” are subjective.

What mattered to us was not just the number of bedrooms. We needed a dedicated office, and that detail should have changed the entire conversation. It revealed something I see often in sales.

When no one takes the time to understand what actually matters, the conversation stays surface-level, and the opportunity never fully develops.

At one property, there was a two-bedroom layout that would have worked well for us, along with a one-bedroom next door that could have easily served as an office. If that need had been understood, there was a creative solution that likely would have led to a decision on the spot.

That possibility was never explored. In fact, when I brought it up, the agent did not take it seriously.

No one asked what was driving our decision. No one asked what concerns we had about the transition. No one paused long enough to understand how we were thinking about the move itself. And this was not one interaction. It was four different properties, owned by different companies, delivering nearly identical experiences.

At a certain point, it became clear this was not about individual salespeople. It was the system.

They had been trained to present, not to understand.

This matters more than most organizations realize. Research published by PwC found that 73% of customers say experience is a key factor in their purchasing decisions, yet many sales processes are still designed around delivering information rather than diagnosing what the buyer actually needs.

When that happens, something subtle shifts. Buyers do not feel guided. They feel managed. They do not feel understood. They feel processed. Even when they are ready to move forward, the experience creates friction that does not need to exist.

In our case, we ultimately chose based on size and location, but we did so despite the experience, not because of it.

That is the part worth paying attention to.

People want to buy. They do not want to be sold. They want to feel understood. They want their specific situation to be considered. They want someone to help them think through a decision, not move them through a script.

This is where systems come into play. A strong system, specifically a clear conversation model, builds trust. When that structure is absent, the opposite occurs. At best, the buyer is skeptical. At worst, they feel like they are being misled.

The issue is not structure. It is what the structure is designed to do. If a system prioritizes speed, consistency of messaging, and coverage of features, it will produce salespeople who present well but miss the buyer. If a system is designed around understanding, it will produce conversations that feel different, more relevant and more effective.



Most sales challenges are not a people problem. They are a design problem. When the system is built only around selling, instead of establishing a trusting relationship, it often prevents people from actually buying.

And that is when sales starts to feel harder than it should.